extended about me
if you read the about me section on the home page, you probably know a little bit about me. my name is samantha, but i also go by sam. in the past, i've gone by hansel, nara, and hankpymtoes online. i never really went by ruinedgirl until i made this website, but it's grown on me. it's funny because i don't really identify as a girl, or anything for that matter. i still use she/her pronouns, but it's ok if you use they or it on me.
i'm pretty ill, both mentally and physically. my physical shortcomings don't really affect me all that much, but i do have pretty bad migraines and fatigue that are currently being exacerbated by my meds. i'm on a mix of prozac, zyprexa, and lithium. mentally, i have autism, bipolar II disorder, ptsd, and my psychologist keeps telling me that i probably have bpd but i don't really want to be considered as having a personality disorder, so i'm only going to mention it and not say that i have it. i also have a history of self-harm (which i do write about from time to time), but i'm trying to stay clean. currently at 3 weeks sober as of dec 20, 2025. i like to think that i'm getting better. i'm currently in emdr and dbt.
i wasn't treated very well as a child. i think that's obvious, considering everything i just talked about. i'm not going to go into too much detail about it here, but just as a warning, i may go into a lot of detail in my journal. i try not to dwell on it too much, but a lot of the time it just comes back and i can't stop it. still working on it.
if you read the about me section on the home page, you probably know a little bit about me. my name is samantha, but i also go by sam. in the past, i've gone by hansel, nara, and hankpymtoes online. i never really went by ruinedgirl until i made this website, but it's grown on me. it's funny because i don't really identify as a girl, or anything for that matter. i still use she/her pronouns, but it's ok if you use they or it on me.
i'm pretty ill, both mentally and physically. my physical shortcomings don't really affect me all that much, but i do have pretty bad migraines and fatigue that are currently being exacerbated by my meds. i'm on a mix of prozac, zyprexa, and lithium. mentally, i have autism, bipolar II disorder, ptsd, and my psychologist keeps telling me that i probably have bpd but i don't really want to be considered as having a personality disorder, so i'm only going to mention it and not say that i have it. i also have a history of self-harm (which i do write about from time to time), but i'm trying to stay clean. currently at 3 weeks sober as of dec 20, 2025. i like to think that i'm getting better. i'm currently in emdr and dbt.
i wasn't treated very well as a child. i think that's obvious, considering everything i just talked about. i'm not going to go into too much detail about it here, but just as a warning, i may go into a lot of detail in my journal. i try not to dwell on it too much, but a lot of the time it just comes back and i can't stop it. still working on it.
hobbies and interests
movies/shows oz (hbo), the texas chainsaw massacre (1 and 2), the thing (1982), films directed by wes anderson, it follows, what's eating gilbert grape, amadeus, withnail and i, zoolander, final destination series, saw series, horror media in general, spiderverse, the view askewniverse
music descendents, crystal castles, massive attack, linkin park, bad religion, alexisonfire, dance gavin dance, orchid, queens of the stone age, 100 gecs, the cure, the smiths, brand new, jeff buckley, the offspring, fall out boy, akira yamaoka soundtracks, elliott smith, fiona apple
video games tower defense games in general, muse dash, osu!, resident evil series, silent hill series, roblox (mainly just something evil will happen and asym games), dead by daylight (haven't played in years lol), lisa the painful, don't starve, project zomboid, incremental games, left 4 dead 2, mortal kombat series
other hobbies programming (i do web dev but i also know python and java), crocheting, writing, reading, microbiology, virology, film theory, comparing and consuming frozen food brands
movies/shows oz (hbo), the texas chainsaw massacre (1 and 2), the thing (1982), films directed by wes anderson, it follows, what's eating gilbert grape, amadeus, withnail and i, zoolander, final destination series, saw series, horror media in general, spiderverse, the view askewniverse
music descendents, crystal castles, massive attack, linkin park, bad religion, alexisonfire, dance gavin dance, orchid, queens of the stone age, 100 gecs, the cure, the smiths, brand new, jeff buckley, the offspring, fall out boy, akira yamaoka soundtracks, elliott smith, fiona apple
video games tower defense games in general, muse dash, osu!, resident evil series, silent hill series, roblox (mainly just something evil will happen and asym games), dead by daylight (haven't played in years lol), lisa the painful, don't starve, project zomboid, incremental games, left 4 dead 2, mortal kombat series
other hobbies programming (i do web dev but i also know python and java), crocheting, writing, reading, microbiology, virology, film theory, comparing and consuming frozen food brands
questions and answers
"how did you start programming?"
joined a club at my school in freshman year and was hooked on python ever since. did some exploring, and now i also like doing web dev and java. i'm primarily self-taught from project after project, but the club did help me get started.
"who's that guy over there?"
william birkin from resident evil. specifically, it's concept art of his g1 form. i'm not really sure why, but his g1 form really resonates with me. i just use it as a placeholder to represent myself on a lot of platforms.
"can i take inspo from this website?"
yeah go ahead, i don't really care. use inspect element all you want. just don't go and copy stuff directly from the page source. if you don't know how to use html/css/js, i'd rather you learn to do it yourself instead of just copying other's work directly.
"how did you start programming?"
joined a club at my school in freshman year and was hooked on python ever since. did some exploring, and now i also like doing web dev and java. i'm primarily self-taught from project after project, but the club did help me get started.
"who's that guy over there?"
william birkin from resident evil. specifically, it's concept art of his g1 form. i'm not really sure why, but his g1 form really resonates with me. i just use it as a placeholder to represent myself on a lot of platforms.
"can i take inspo from this website?"
yeah go ahead, i don't really care. use inspect element all you want. just don't go and copy stuff directly from the page source. if you don't know how to use html/css/js, i'd rather you learn to do it yourself instead of just copying other's work directly.